What do vegetarians feed their dogs?
Can someone give up lent for lent?
Why would Dodge
make a car called Ram?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Why do they have 7 oceans when they are all connected?
is it when we duck they call us chicken?
Why is there a size 12-14, 14-16, 16-18, and so forth, but no 13, 15, and 17?
did cured ham actually have?
If CDs were spun in the opposite direction, would it say everything backwards?
melts rock, wouldnt the lava melt the volcano?
If a man has no fingers, can he press charges?
Can a blind man see his
Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?
Why does a round pizza come in a square
Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day?
Can you write in pencil
on an eraser?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
is it that when we are humming and then we plug our nose, our humming stops? Do people really hum through their nose, or their
Can you blow a balloon up under water?
Can crop circles be square?
How do they get the air inside the bubble
Why are there black lines on a basketball?
If we had a president that was a woman, would her husband be the first
Why do we have to wait till the water starts boiling before we can put
pasta into the water?
If a criminal turns
himself in shouldn't he get the reward money?
Why are blue Christmas lights so popular? Aren't red and green the
Why do police officers wear tight clothes and dressy shoes? wouldn't that make them slower when chasing someone?
London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"
when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why do birds bob their heads when they walk?
Why is it when we ask for the
check in a restaurant they bring us a bill?
How come wine and hard liquor doesn't come in cans, but beer does?
lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?
If people say if you eat dessert before dinner it will ruin your
appetite wont eating dinner before dessert ruin your appetite for dessert?
Why do they call him a Skipper when he just
Why does "lake" come first (Lake Michigan) and "river" come second (Mississippi River)?
If a deaf person
has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If I raise the volume on my radio, does it use more electricity?
would happen if: Everyone was to flush their toilet at the same time?
Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody
turns the lights on?
If you died on the International Dateline, and half of you were on 1 side and the other half on the
other side, what day would you die?
If someone crashes his or her car on purpose, why is it still a car accident?
people with one arm go to get their nails done, do they pay half price?
If the weather man says "it's a 50% chance of rain"
does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire
If Sunday is the holy day of rest why do we have to get up early for church?
When you snap your fingers, does the
sound occur when your middle finger releases from your thumb, or when your middle finger hits the palm of your hand?
are you IN a movie, but your ON TV?
Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldnt
they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money
to look at things on the ground?
What is the parking situation like at the Special Olympics?
police see some one committing a crime but are on there way to investigate a crime do they stop or go to the one they were
on their way to?
Seeing as cupid is so good at matchmaking, does he have a girlfriend?
Is an alcoholic just a drunk
that's scared of a hangover?
If shampoo comes in so many colors, why is the lather on your head always
a table is propped up can it be propped down?
If our planet is inhabited with creatures made by God...is it possible that
there's another planet inhabited with creatures made by the Devil?
Why do they put Canadian bacon on Hawaiian Pizza?
come, in the Mini Wheats commercials, Sweets has a Brooklyn accent and Wheats has an English accent? They're attached at the
back, wouldn't they have been raised in the same place?
Why do people, such as S.W.A.T or Seals wear the bulletproof vests
where you can see them? Wouldnt people aim for their head or crotch?
If you don't
pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
How come stealing from one book is plagiarism, but stealing from many is research?
you fart and burp at the same time?
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
you ever heard of a raisin that is not dry?
If two identical twin brothers married identical twin sisters, would there
kids be identical?
If your glove is too big, does it still fit like a glove?
Is it possible to scream at the bottom
of your lungs?
Since you have to pull over when you see a funeral coming down the
road...what would you do if there
were a funeral coming down both sides?
If you can test drive cars at the dealer's, why not test-drive lawnmowers
at a hardware store?
Is there anything easier done than said?
Is it possible for a narcoleptic to have insomnia?
the U.S. says United We Stand, does that offend legless people?
Since the U.S. says United We Stand, does that offend
If no one buys a ticket to a movie, does the movie still play?
Are you able to fart in heaven?
isn't sour cream really sour?
Do they re-use body bags? Or do they throw them away and get new ones? The people using them
wouldnt care anyway?
Why isnt the Q or the Z included on the phone
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? Theyre
going to see you naked anyway?
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
Do ducks sneeze?
is that when fish die in water, they float to the top, but when humans die in water, they sink to the bottom?
find it weird we teach our kids: scrub a dub dub, three men in a tub?
Why do they call it "morning sickness" in the middle
of the afternoon?
Did you know there is a page 666 in The Bible?
If money is the root of all evil then how come churches
ask for it?
Can vampires donate blood?
If a fire truck was on its way to a fire and it passes another fire, which fire
would it go to?
If you could walk through the walls, wouldnt you fall through the floor?
How come when you go in the
front door of a church, you are at the back of the church, and if you go in the back door, you would end up in the front of
If your named Will and you are in the army do you get worried when people say fire at will?
Why is there
an L in NOEL?
If you eat regular rice crispies with chocolate milk will it taste the same as eating co-co crispies with
Why is Bra singular and Panties plural?
What are those little things on the end of your shoelaces called?
you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?
If they develop a supersonic train, will
they give it a whistle?
Do fish ever get thirsty?
Why can't we sneeze with our eyes open?
If there were a knowledge
contest, would the female winner be called Miss Informed?
If you stick on stickers on non-stick pans, would they stick
Why don't ducks duck when you shoot at them?
On a hamburger bun, why is the top bun always bigger than the bottom
Why does breaking a mirror mean seven years of bad luck when seven is a lucky number??
Can angels eat devils food
If I think, and therefore I am, am I just a thought?
If ignorance is bliss, why arent more people happy?
do the numbers on the phone go one way, but the numbers on the calculator go the other way?
Why do we tie shoes to the
back of a car for newly weds?
Is it possible to do stand-up comedy sitting down?
Is bad a bad word?
had sores.........what would they be called?
What does the T in T-Shirt really mean?
Why does the label on childrens
Tylenol tell you not to operate heavy machinery or vehicles when it's for CHILDREN!?
Why do they call front seat shotgun?
are all farms red?
Do bald men wash their head with soap or shampoo?
Why is there not a Channel 1 on TV?
there dents in a golf ball?
Why are the obituaries found in the "living" section of the newspaper?
How can someone be
dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
When you put 'THE' and 'IRS' together, it forms 'THEIRS'. Coincidence? I think not?
would happen if u put a humidifier and a dehumdifier in the same room?
Are one handed people offended when police tell
them to put their hands up?
If you built a time machine with all new parts, when you went back would the parts you use
dissapear because they didn't exist then?
How can sweet and sour sauce be sweet and sour at the same time?
workers prefer the graveyard shift?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If you get cheated
by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars
Noah keep his bees in archives?
If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?
all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened
to the rabbit?
What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where
do you tell them to go?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
When sign makers go on strike,
is anything written on their signs?
What do mermaids eat?
If your plan is having no plan, do you have a plan?
the energizer bunny attacks someone, is he charged with battery?
If anything's possible, then is it possible that nothing's
Is atheism is a non-prophet organization?
If a baseball is hit out of the stadium, travels completely around
the world, re-enters the stadium, and is caught by a fielder, is it a home run or an out?
If a policecar, an ambulance,
a fire truck and a mail truck are all at a 4 way stop who has the right away?
Why are all farms red?
why are rubber
duckies yellow when most real ducks aren't?
Are there female leprechauns?
Do judges and lawyers do jury duty?
Would it be possible for a solar car to travel faster then the speed of light?
Isn't it scary that the word
"therapist" is the same as the words "the" and "rapist" put together?
Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one
On a telephone, why does ABC start on the number 2 and not 1?
Do pigs pull ham strings?
Do dumped farmers
get John Deere letters?
Why do radio operators say "niner" instead of just "nine"?
Why do people say heads up when you
Why did Superman wear his briefs on the outside of his tights?
Does anyone actually kill two birds with
Why do they call the clock where you punch your time card called a "time" clock? Aren't all clocks "time" clocks?
does blow and suck mean the same thing when we describe something being crap?
Can dogs have dog days?
When a male is
elected president and his wife is called the First Lady. What would a lady's husband be called if she were elected president?
you are born on February 29 of a leap year, when is your birthday?
Do birds pee?
Do siamese twins pay for one ticket
or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
Why do they call it 2% milk, if its 2% fat, not milk?
What do you
say when someone says you're in denial, but you're not?
If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still
Have you ever thought what life would be like if your name was Anonymous? You'd get credit for everything nobody wanted
If a water spins clockwise when it drains in the northern hemisphere, and water spins counterclockwise when
it drains in the southern hemisphere...which way does it spin at the equator?
If you own a piece of land and there is an
volcano on it and it ruins a
nearby town, do you have to pay for the property damage?
If you have x-ray vision, and
you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?
If it is a 50 mph per hour
wind and you drive your car at 50mph downwind, if you stick your head outside would you feel the wind?
Why does "closing
up" a shop and "closing down" a shop mean the same thing?
Why do they call them "Animal Crackers" when there not even crackers...they're
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
in baseball is it called the World Series if it is only played in the U.S.A & Canada?
Why do old men have hair in their
Why are things typed up but written down?
Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
In some books,
why do they have blank pages at the very end?
If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back
of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?
If the universe is expanding, what is it
What does OK actually mean?
what does the K in K-mart actually stand for?
Why do we feel blue? and
what color does a smurf feel when they are down?
Why can't you eat pancakes for dinner?
Why do donuts have holes?
don't you hear thunder with heat lightning?
Do the different "M&M's"® colors taste different?
If your born at exactly
midnight is your birthday on both those days?
If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?
one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?
is it you can walk down a road, even if it goes uphill?
Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?
Can blind people be
dyslexic when they read Braille?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
Why do the call the angel of death an angel if
all it does is bring pain and suffering?
Why doesn't the glue in the bottle dry up?
If Luke took a bath, would the
water be lukewarm?
If an anarchist group attained political power, would they by principle have to dissolve their own government?
you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?
Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but have
to get it off our chests?
Why does everyone speak different languages and have different accents if we all originally came
from the same place?
Why do they call it a RUNNING BACK when he is running forward?
If you tell someone they are being
judgmental aren't you being judgmental yourself?
Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your
How come no matter what color the liquid is the froth is always white?
Why do British people never sound British
when they sing?
Why do they call them guidance counselors when all counselors do is offer guidance?
Why do they call
it "head over heels in love" If our head is always over our heels?
Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane?
is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
If someone can't see, they're
blind and if someone cant hear, they're deaf, so what do you call people who can't smell?
How do they get those boats in
those glass bottles?
Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?
is it called a TV set when there is only one?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold
tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
How did the headless horseman know where he was going?
Why do they call it an
escalator if it takes you down?
Why is it called football when you hardly use your feet?
How come some Little Debbie
snack cakes come in a twin pack and others are wrapped individually?
Do cows drink milk?
Can a guy named Nick have a
If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
Since we see
little birdies when we just get knocked out, what do little birdies see when they just get knocked out??
What is a male
Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks?
Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns
If you wore a teflon suit, could you ever end up in a sticky situation?
How fast do hotcakes sell?
If you mated
a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
President have to pay taxes?
Why do they put "for indoor or outdoor use only" on Christmas lights?
If Dracula has no
reflection, how comes he always had such a straight parting in his hair?
If an ambulance is on its way to save someone,
and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
Why is Grape Nuts cereal called that, when it contains neither grapes,
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why do drugstores make the sick walk
all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
it kind of ominous to put your tax returns in the mail box and put up the little red flag?
What ever happened to an E
grade? We have A,B,C,D,F but no E.
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Don't you find it worrying
that doctors call treating you their "practice" ?
Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?
What do you
call a female daddy long legs?
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
Why can't women put
on mascara with their mouth closed?
If a transport truck carrying a load of cars gets into a car accident, does it increase
the number of the cars in the pile-up?
In France do people just ask for toast and get French toast? or do they have to
ask for American toast?
Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?
Why does mineral water that has "trickled
through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?
If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, would someone else make
a sound ?
Why are SOFTballs hard?
Do vampires get AIDS?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast
to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
Why are they called goose bumps? Do geese get people bumps?
is it that lemon dishsoap is made with real lemons, but lemon juice is artificial flavoring?
If you stole a pen from a
bank then would it still be considered a bank robbery?
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
Why can magicians
make things disappear into thin air, but not thick air?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is the third hand
on the watch called second hand?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Who was the first
person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?
people in China call their good plates?
Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
If feathers tickle people,
do they tickle birds?
Does a postman deliver his own mail?
Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits,
and special features, or just the movie itself?
If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why
can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why doesn't a chicken egg taste like chicken?
Why is it that cargo is transported by
ship while a shipment is transported by car?
Does peanut butter really have butter in it?
Do mimes watch silent movies?
the fear of flying groundless?
Why do people say "You scared the living daylights out of me" when daylight is not living?
do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up "there" anyway?
vanished without a trace, how do people know they are missing?
Why are boxing rings square?
Why is it called pineapple,
when's there neither pine nor apple in it?
Why is it called eggplant, when there's no egg in it?
Why do people never
say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why do birds have white poop?
good looking Eskimo girls be called hot?
Why is an elevator still called an elevator even when its going down?
is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn't it be called an inlet.
If love is blind,
how can we believe in love at first sight?
If you accidentally ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?
thumbs really stick out?
Why is it when your almost dead your on deaths doorstep, but when your actually dead your not
in deaths house?
Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?
What's the opposite of opposite?
If Practice makes perfect, and
nobody's perfect, then why practice?
Why are toe nail clippers bigger than finger nail clippers when your toe nails are
smaller than your finger nails?
Is the opposite of "out of whack" "in whack"
If you try to fail and succeed, what did
you just do?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Why is the blackboard green?
do they call it a black light when it's really purple?
Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs
What do you call male ballerinas?
How come the sun makes your skin darker but your hair lighter?
If you dig
a tunnel straight through the earth, will you come out with your feet first?
Why are pennies bigger than dimes?
they have antiques in the olden days?
Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?
Is a sleeping bag a nap sack?
came first, the fruit or the color orange?
Where does the white go when the snow melts?
Can blind people see their dreams?
there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?
you ever wondered why Trix are only for kids?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do most cars have speedometers that
go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if
afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn't they do it best by not torturing themselves? and if so, aren't we all masochist?
is it called lipstick when it always comes off?
If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows
freak out are they said to be "having a person?"
Aren't you tired of people asking you rhetorical questions and you don't
know if they are rhetorical questions or not?
Why is a person that handles your money called a BROKER?
Why do we leave
expensive cars in the driveway, when we keep worthless junk in the garage?
why do they have handicap parking spaces in
front of they skating rings?
What happens if someone loses a lost and found box?
Why do they call it taking a dump?
Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?
What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?
Where in the nursery rhyme does
it say humpty dumpty is an egg?
If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal
Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?
What would happen if an Irresistible
Force met an Immovable Object?
What's the difference between a wise man and a wise guy?
If Americans throw rice at weddings,
do the Chinese throw hamburgers?
how can you chop down a tree and then chop it up?
How can you hear yourself think?
corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Is a man full of
wonder a wonderful man?
Is a hot car cool or is a cool car hot?
How come thaw and unthaw mean the same thing?
The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas?
a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
Why is it that when a person
tells you there's over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere,
you have to touch it to make sure?
if you fed a bee nothing but oranges, would it start making marmalade?
Why is it
you get a penny for your thoughts, but have to put in your two cents worth?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality
come from morons?
If the speed of movement is slower than the speed of light - how fast is a moving light?
why do you
get on a bus and a train but get into a car?
Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?
something be new and improved? if it's new, what was it improving on?
Is Disney world the only people trap operated by
Why did they name that underwear company fruit of the loom?
Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line
registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open?
why do the ABC song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep all
have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
How does Santa get into a house that
doesn't have a chimney?
If you get cheated by the better business bureau, who do you complain to?
If you're in hell,
and are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
would Cheese say if they got their picture taken?
why are turds pinched off at the end?
I know you can be overwhelmed,
and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?
If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her
Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
you take an oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?
How come overtones and undertones
are the same thing?
What would you use to dilute water?
What should one call a male ladybird?
How can military troops
be deployed if they have never been ployed to begin with?
If you lived in Siberia and you wronged the Russians government,
where would they send you?
Why do they call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere but call it a hemorrhoid when
its in your ass?
If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
Before they invented drawing boards, what
did they go back to?
Aren't all generalizations false?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
Do you need a
silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling Movie! Movie!?
you be a closet claustrophobic?
Could someone ever get addicted to counseling?
If so, how could you treat them?
Adam and Eve have navels?
Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?
Did you ever notice when you blow in a
dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
Do fish get cramps
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
one legged ducks swim in circles?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?
Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
How can there be "self help GROUPS"?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow
road sign? How do you know when yogurt goes bad?
How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?
How does a shelf
salesman keep his store from looking empty?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
fast do you have to go to keep up with the sun so you're never in darkness?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
If a tree fell on a mime
in the forest, would he make a sound and would anyone care?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
a woman can be a meter maid, can a man be a meter butler?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?
deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there
locks on the doors?
If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
If a book about
failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops,
why do I have a work station on my desk?
If a case of the clap spreads, is it then considered a case of the applause?
a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread
on top of a cat?
If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
If a dog sweats through his tongue,
why does he have armpits?
If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to
If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell,
is he homeless or naked?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would
they call it Fed UP?
If inert is to be stationary, what is ert?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed
to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing
If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come
from? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't
people from Holland called Holes?
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
If quitters never
win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
If soap is used to make you clean, why does it
leave a scum?
If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
If someone with multiple personalities
threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation? If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the side
of the tube?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell
him he has the right to remain silent?
If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
If the folks
at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks
drive with their lights off?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
If vegetarians eat
vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If women ran the
Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a
pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
you bear a child, why do you have a cow?
If you can read the marking, isn't that end already up?
If you can't drink
and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
If you dive into a pool
of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?
If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver
end up owing you money?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?
have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?
If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects
in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something
keep going wrong?
If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?
If you put
freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?
If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when
If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
If you take a shower, where do you put it?
you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?
If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your
headlights on, what happens?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Is it progress if a cannibal
learns to eat with a fork?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Is there a Dr. Salt?
hot water already hot?
Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?
Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience
cocoons in their stomach?
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
Shouldn't it be some things in moderation?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word
There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
What came first the chicken or
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
What color would a smurf turn if you choked it?
What did we do before
the Law of Gravity was passed?
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
What do sheep count when
they can't sleep?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
What does it mean
if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
happened to the first 6 ups?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What happens when you call a 1-800
What is a free gift?
Aren't all gifts free?
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
What is the
speed of dark?
What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?
What should you do when you see an endangered
animal that is eating an endangered plant?
What's another word for synonym?
When blind people go to the bathroom, how
do they know when they are done wiping their butt?
When people lose weight, where does it go?
When sign makers go on
strike, is anything written on their signs?
When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
When your pet bird sees you reading the
newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
When you're sending someone styrofoam, what
do you pack it in?
Where are Preparations A through G?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why are builders afraid to have
a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking
is prohibited there?
Why are the cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange?
Why are there never any artist's materials
in a drawing room?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are there interstate
highways in Hawaii?
Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
Why are we afraid of falling?
we be afraid of the sudden stop?
Why aren't there bulletproof pants?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Luke Skywalker tell Darth Vader to turn to the light side of the Force?
Why do airlines call flights nonstop?
they all stop eventually?
Why do bars advertise live bands?
What does a dead band sound like?
Why do fat chance
and slim chance mean the same thing?
If your feet smell and your nose runs, are you built upside down?
Why do guys wear
Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?
Why do they call it disposable douche?
there a kind of douche you keep after using?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do they sell
a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?
Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
Why do we drive on parkways and park
Why do we have hot water heaters?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
Why do we put suits
in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do you weep and sniffle over a TV program and the imaginary
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
"onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why don't you ever hear about gruntled employees?
Why don't you ever see baby
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
is a women's prison called a penal colony?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why is it called
a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is it when a door is open
it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
is the alphabet in that order?
Is it because of that song?
Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
Don't you have
to get up to get to the tape?
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol
if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait
an hour before getting out of the water?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't
they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
Have ex-bankers become
Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?
Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed?
Have ex-punsters been expunged?